Five Levels of Hangover

Guess, I've really mellowed out now. I used to log in several 5-star hangovers in a month, several years ago and the remedies depended on where I was.

In Manila, usually it was a bowl of hot soup - nilagang baka, prepared by my mom who knew what I have been through since she would see me "lasing na lasing", walk in, give her a "mano po" and head straight to the toilet, para tumawag ng maraming UWAAAK. Siyempre may sermon yun before I lose consciousness and upon waking up tuloy pa rin ang sermon. I feel the love.
©mama noodles

My Bangkok hangovers were remedied with a hot n spicy bowl of instant Tom Yum Kung, it sounds suicidal but the effect to keep you awake is more potent than several cups of hot coffee. I also follow this up with at least 2 glasses of fruit shake, usually 2 bananas or a quarter papaya, plus milk. I would feel ready for another night of partying later. Sabai deee!

©solmack

Tokyo hangovers were rare but deadly (with matching sermon pa). The remedies were not as hearty as before like the hot bowls of soup. There are these liquid concoctions in small one-shot bottles that one can buy at a vending machine (there is one next to my apartment) and this is what I usually drink. Nevertheless, it worked for my stomach, but the headache, I had to bear and since I couldn't afford to ride a cab to work, I had to join the other (probably hung-over too) salariman and OLs (office ladies) who like me, have to endure a train ride to work. One could be lucky not having to get on a packed train, but usually a regular Tokyo commuter would go through a meat grinder sort of morning ritual in the rush hours. Siksikan talaga, you'd feel your ribs being crushed, tapos may 5-star hang-over ka pa.

Kaya siguro sumuko na ako --- ayoko na talaga!

I got this one from my Ygroup and I revised a few things a bit for some Pinoy flava.

***** Five Levels of Hangovers

One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes
and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving for a steaming hot bowl of nilagang baka.

Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay,
but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around
the bulalo/lugaw combo from the 3:00 Lugawan sa tabi-tabi excursion.
There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the
flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink.
Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed
watching Koreanovela reruns.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a
diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...
*****

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

1.) Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2.) Nope, no more booze for me.
3.) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4.) No, ayaw ko na, sorry, late na, wag diyan...
5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.